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05 Feb 2013

Would you be able to raise the &#8216 other woman&#8217 s&#8217  child?
Raising the mistress''s child
By Masanda Peter

People go through many challenges in life and some are quite shocking. When a man and a woman are married one expects that union to be sacred and that the partners will be faithful to one another. At one point this was not the case for the Nkala union. The man of the house cheated and fathered a child outside the marriage with another woman. To my surprise the wife has forgiven her husband and also took things a step further and accepted the " illegitimate"  child as her own and the child came to stay with them as a family!

It’ s complicated

She has her own kids and they blended as a family, her biological kids are quite young and they are not challenged by having a sister that " came out of the blue" . Mrs Nkala says that she had a few choices  to leave her husband and have the family destroyed or think of her family and what the divorce could do to her family should she leave her husband. She did not want her family to suffer because of a loose woman who got into an affair with her husband while she was fully aware that he was married. To make matters worse, the mistress was not able to take care of this child financially and the wife was determined to give the child a better life because the child found herself in this situation and she was not to blame her for it. She then decided to make her one of her own.

It’ s in days like these that I really see the power of forgiveness and love. Some people decide to do what is best for them no matter what other people say or how much they judge:

" I am used to people''s jaws dropping when I tell them of my decision but I know what I am doing and why I am doing this. I love my family and know that I had to put their wellbeing before mine and I am fine with that" , or,

" My husband and I have talked about this and gone for counselling and it was a matter of letting go of my husband for a one night stand compared to years and years of investment into my family well being" .

Make an arrangement which works for you

With regards to loving the child Mrs. Nkala says that she loves her as her own children. As if she was her child, she is not treated differently because of her mother''s sins. The child calls her " mama"  and that works for her. Certain family members were against this child staying with her saying that Mrs. Nkala was stupid but they soon saw how much she loved the child and they had no choice but to accept the child as she is part of the family. She even told the mistress that she was welcome to see the child anytime she wanted to because at the end of the day she is the biological mother.

What helped in the situation was to see how remorseful her husband was and did everything in his power to show how sorry he was. They are now rebuilding the trust and raising the child together. She says that she cannot advise other wives to do or not do what she did, it all depends on the person and how they feel.

Now that is what I call the power of forgiveness.

Would you be able to raise your partner’ s illegitimate child?

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