Ask an expert
Question

10 Oct 2008

getroud
ek is 7 jaar getroud en is nog net so verlief op my vrou soos toe ons ontmoet het en is onyndig lief vir haar in die eerste paar jaar was die sex baie en ongelooflik maar nou is dit dood hoekom ?
Answer 520 views
Expert
Sexologist
sexy

01 Jan 0001

I am sorry but my Afrikaans is not good enough to reply to you, but I did understand your question.

It is quite common that in the beginning of relationship women may have a greater interest in sex and possibly be less inhibited in sex than her 'default' position would be. This is due to chemicals in the brain which are released in the beginning of a relationship - amongst other things they result in slightly higher testosterone levels in women which may account for higher sex drive. Unfortunately due to a cruel trick of nature these changes are temporary and after a while (between 6months - 4 years) she returns to a more 'normal level'.

In addition to these changes (which are nobody's fault), there may be other changes (in you or her, your lives) that mean that her libido has taken even a bigger knock. It is important to make sure that you are both satisfied with the relationship - this includes asking her for feedback about how she feels/anything she'd like to improve, and likewise, you give her feedback and discuss what you would like to improve. Do this very gently!

When it comes to discussing the differences in sexual needs (which is VERY common) I always encourage both partners to be willing to understand what it is like for the other partner and then come to some middle ground / a negotiated compromise. It would be unreasonable for her to expect you to operate like her - perhaps try to explain to her in non-sexual terms (e.g. If I say to you when you are thirsty/hungry that I can do without a cup of tea/chocolate cake/whatever therefore so should you, how would you feel? Sexual hunger is similar). This is not to say that you should always get your way either, but I imagine it would do the relationship some good if there were some element of flexibility.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
32% - 9444 votes
No
68% - 20057 votes
Vote