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07 May 2004

low sex drive
hi all,
i need a bit of help with my sex life. my husband and i are below 30 yrs. however, my husband is diabetic, so this affects his sex drive a lot. when we do make love, after he comes once, he just can't get it up again. he becomes really weak. i have tried everything i can think of to turn him on again, but it just doesn't happen.

can anyone give me advice on what to do? any sexual moves i can make to make him horny again? it's really more frustrating for him than it is for me. any of the counter drugs that could help?

Thanks.
Dunno.
Answer 481 views
Expert
Sexologist
sexy

01 Jan 0001

Why not try VENIS :

VENIS: An Alternative Approach to Sexual Pleasure- Without intercourse
Sexual intercourse -- with the proper partner and proper circumstances ---- can be a wonderful experience. But it can be an intimidating one too for various reasons and fears: moral issues, age factors, pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, performance anxiety and tons of other concerns, especially for teenagers. My concept of VENIS can help with these anxieties. (VENIS stands for Very Erotic Non-Insertive Sex.)
VENIS was originally conceived as an alternative to intercourse for sexually active young teenagers and as an option for the HIV population. As the name implies, the sexual contact is without actual intercourse or exchange of body fluids - no insertion of the penis into the vagina or anus. VENIS moves beyond the goal-oriented ideas of conventional sex (the so-called home run in the oft-used baseball analogy) toward eroticism. VENIS activities offer an exciting menu of possibilities that can be as "active" or as "laid back" as you desire. Because there is more verbal and body communication between couples, the VENIS techniques can improve your sexual satisfaction and communication skills so important in maintaining a healthy relationship. The goal of VENIS is to broaden perceptions of sexuality beyond intercourse to consider VENIS as an exciting option.
VENIS also seeks to encourage the creation of new sexual norms, which would broaden ideas of sexuality beyond intercourse to include a range or erotic possibilities. We want to offer them alternatives that are not only safer in terms of preventing sexually transmitted diseases and HIV infection, but which also affirm their sexuality and enhance opportunities for sexual communication with partners.
Not only for young teenagers, VENIS also can be an option for:
· Couples: Establishing a VENIS night or week wherein VENIS is the primary sexual activity can be an exciting alternative to intercourse. Incorporating VENIS activities to the repertoire of sexual contact.
· Erectile dysfunction men: Those struggling with ED can experience the erotic and stimulating effects of VENIS without worrying about penetration.
· Early ejaculators: Those struggling with early ejaculation problems can experience VENIS without "performance anxiety" and may be able to use VENIS techniques to build up stamina to help in overcoming the problem (i.e. incorporating squeeze technique in VENIS activities).
· Older adults: Those who are older and prefer less "exertive" activity in their sexual activities. VENIS activities can be as hectic or as calm as you desire.
· HIV positive/STD infected adults: One original goal of VENIS was to provide a safe sex option for those within the HIV population. VENIS provides an erotic alternative to intercourse that does not involve the exchange of bodily fluids.
· Those suffering with female sexual dysfunction: Engaging in VENIS activities can take the pressure off when intercourse is difficult due to vaginal dryness, pain, or low libido. The female partner can take the lead and pace the encounter to her level of comfort. Many of the VENIS activities focus on gentleness, softness, and light touching, which promotes a more romantic atmosphere.
VENIS is a controversial idea because it does not subscribe to the moralistic and conquest codes of sexuality. Our society, having moved beyond Victorian standards of behaviour, still is long-standing societal values of sexuality. We still see "right" and "wrong" when it comes to sex. "Right" supports productive, safe and divinely accepted sexual activity between a married couple. Everything else is "wrong" to varying degrees: homosexuality, unmarried sex, fantasy, pornography, etc. Sexual activity like VENIS that does not include the "missionary position" or heterosexual intercourse may be seen as kinky, lustful or even sinful because it is not "normal."
We are also influenced by the idea of the conquest and its gender-specific roles. Generally, for the man, the role is the initiator and/or aggressor; with an ultimate goal in mind. If you don't "hit a home run" during sexual activity, you lose. If you're a good girl, you're submissive and you control who gets "on base." You don't even think about what kind of sex you want or how to get it. VENIS looks to both partners for variety and creativity. Foreplay becomes the "home run" instead of the stepping-stone to intercourse.
VENIS techniques and activities are not only fun but also creative. Allow yourself to let go of the conventional ideas of what and how sexuality is expressed. The key is to let your mind and body move toward pleasures that are not goal-oriented. This may involve a whole range of activities that may or may not lead to orgasm including:
§ Erotic wrestling with maximum body and genital contact,
§ Massaging with oils or lotions,
§ Manual stimulation,
§ Erotic dancing or striptease,
§ Body kissing
(Note: there are other activities listed below.)
Erotic Wrestling: A VENIS activity Primer
Erotic wrestling is a VENIS activity that can provide maximum erotic pleasure for both partners with only a few props: oil, a soft mat or towel and a private, romantic setting. Shopping and planning ahead of time can add to the excitement and anticipation. Massage oils are available at drug stores and specialty shops like The Body Shop, Bath and Body Works or Crabtree and Evelyn. Flavoured oils can be found at erotic shops or online. There are many different scents and flavours, so you can choose what appeals to both of you.
Next, you'll have to set aside the time to play. This isn't a quick activity you can do over the lunch hour. Erotic wrestling can also be a bit messy because your bodies will be slick with oil. You may want to wrestle in an area with a tiled floor that will clean up easily.
Round One - the Lathering
Okay, the oils are bought and you're all set to begin. If you haven't already done so, you can undress each other, encouraging with compliments and kisses. This can help set the mood and add to the excitement. Once nude, the first step is applying the massage oil. You'll have to decide who will be lathered up first. Your partner can sit or lie down. Often, the latherer will sit with legs apart and the latheree can sit or lie between the partner's legs.
Starting with the neck, slowly massage the oil into the partner's skin by rubbing in slow, circular motions. Then move down the arms and rub into fingertips and palms. Continue down the sides of the torso, around the stomach and over the chest. Oil the partner's back, then switch positions so the legs, feet and toes may be oiled. You should oil the genitals also, but don't stimulate too long because there is more fun to come! Once one partner is sufficiently lathered, it's the other partner's turn.
Round Two - Wrestling for the Big "O" Title
You can start wrestling in any position, whether a classic starting move with one partner draped over the other or both of you kneeling one behind the other. The "match" begins when one partner tries to pin the other's shoulders to the floor for at least three seconds. Some couples add rules to the game like a mandatory three-second kiss or that the loser of the match has to make breakfast in bed. In any case, the competition is good-natured and can produce lots of laughter as well as body contact. When your bodies are rubbing together, slipping and sliding, in an attempt to pin each other, it may only take a certain amount of body against genital rubbing for orgasm to occur.
Round Three - The Loser is a Winner, Too
You can wrestle for as many rounds as you wish, postponing orgasm until the very last moment. The loser can become the winner by having the dominant partner give the pinned partner an orgasm by rubbing their body against the "loser's" genitals. Be careful not to initiate genital-to-genital contact because all that oil can easily cause a slip into penetration (see VENIS rules). Of course, once the winner gives the loser an orgasm then the winner gets his or her reward, too!
The Final Count
Erotic wrestling is satisfying both psychologically and physically. You'll have the opportunity to bond together as you shop for erotic massage oils and plan the setting of the romantic adventure. You'll have to communicate about the logistics; you'll share the intimacy of choosing erotic items together and even learn what appeals to each other. You'll benefit from the closeness that massaging the oils and wrestling will provide. In addition, psychological closeness and satisfaction between you and your partner is increased through the trust required during wrestling.
This activity is simply one of many that explores the fun and eroticism of VENIS. We hope you'll decide to explore the idea behind VENIS and incorporate it into your sexual repertoire. Remember, you are in control of what you want to do. Let yourself experiment, even if something initially makes you uncomfortable. Discuss your options with your partner and decide together what you'd like to try. Most of all - have FUN!!!!
VENIS activity suggestions:
This list is just a beginning to spark the imagination. Creativity and communication are the keys to erotic non-penetrating sex. Remember - all activities must avoid the exchange of bodily fluids in order to be considered non-penetrative.
1. Watching pornography together
2. Fantasizing and sharing
3. Hugging
4. Hair brushing/playing
5. Tickling - use feathers, fingers
6. Erotic dancing - striptease, with your partner
7. Massaging with oil, foods, water, ice, fur, butter
8. Couple bathing with oils, bubble bath
9. Body rubbing with clothes on - all over, non-insertive genital rubbing
10. Body rubbing with clothes off
11. "Intercourse" between thighs, breasts, buttocks and armpits
12. Dry kissing or wet kissing or body kissing
13. Masturbation with partner watching and coinciding masturbation
14. Mutual masturbation (avoid fluid exchange).
15. Use of mechanized "toys," - vibrators, dildos, ben-wa balls
16. Light S&M - avoid creating open wounds, spanking, whipping
17. Light bondage - tying up with rope, handcuffs, scarves, belts
VENIS props
1. Hand and body lotion
2. Bath oils/bubbles
3. Scented oils
4. Powder
5. Silk scarves
6. Erotic literature/poetry
7. Erotic videos
8. Candles
9. Music
10. Sensuous foods (see list below)
11. Towels
12. Sponges
13. Loofahs
14. Shampoos
15. Beads
16. Belts
17. Handcuffs
18. Whips
19. Riding crops
20. Ropes
21. Sexy lingerie/underwear
22. Costumes
23. Dildos/vibrators
Favorite Sensuous Foods
1. Honey
2. Whipped cream
3. Hot fudge/caramel
4. Jam/jellies/fruit spreads
5. Cherries
6. Grapes
7. Bananas
8. Ice
9. Ice cream
10. Peanut butter
11. Marshmallows
12. Café au lait (iced or hot)
13. Wine/champagne (in moderation)
Dr Elna McIntosh
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