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01 Sep 2011

Premature ejaculation
Good morning, please assist. This happend the last three times I had sex with my wife, problem is that I did not even last a minute before I ejaculated. We used to have sex about once or twice a week but now we will have sex once every month and a half, and I get so worked up that I finish so soon. I am 39 years old now and this never happend before like it does now, is there any pill I can take or cream I can use to make me last longer?
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Expert
Sexologist
Sexologist

01 Jan 0001

There is a pill that you can take and a cream that you can use, but neither will last longer than you use them...in otherwords, as soon as you stop using them, the benefits will disappear. The pill would require a prescription from your GP (it's a low dose of an SSRI - antidepressant medication - that has the side effect of delaying ejaculation). The cream is an anaesthetic based cream and you can get this from the pharmacy - do beware that you don't make your wife numb too though!

The best solution is that you learn to delay your ejaculation. Two minutes is the average time a man takes to ejaculate, but due to the differences between men and women, many men choose to learn to delay their orgasm in order to try to give more penetrative pleasure to female partners. The best way to learn this would be through masturbation where you learn recognise your physical signs of excitement (e.g. heightening sensation, a sensation in your testicles, heart rate) and at which point you need to ease off before it's too late (i.e. when the 'twitching' begins, it's probably too late). One way to help with this would be to try scoring your excitement on a scale of 0-10, with 8 being the point at which there's no turning back. When you get to about 5 or 6/10 you need to start using delaying strategies. For example: slowing or changing the rhythm of the friction, trying to take some deep and slow breaths, and try tensing your pelvic floor muscles as if you are trying to stop the flow of urine. Once your arousal has reduced somewhat (e.g. to about 3 or 4/10), you can resume stimulation and repeat this process several times before allowing ejaculation to take place.

Your wife could be a great help by coaching you through this, asking where you are on the scale, and encouraging you to use the strategies suggested. You stimulate yourself for the first few practice rounds (i.e. over days or weeks) and then once you have had some success, perhaps she could stimulate you, but she must slow down as and when you says to do so. Once you've gained confidence like this, you could move onto trying this intravaginally. This is likely to be much more difficult because of the sensations (warmth, moist) of the vagina so you should maybe slow your arousal down earlier than 5 or 6/10 to begin with. The best position to learn this would be with your wife on top so that you can focus all of your attention on your sensations, but you must remember to direct your wife to slow, stop, or start again as you need.

It's really important that these are 'exercises' though, and not 'sexual acts' as normal, otherwise you will feel more pressure to perform and your wife may feel frustrated - neither of these will help you with this learning process.

Good luck and enjoy!

Claire - SASHA

For further information please consult SASHA's website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com
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