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07 Apr 2004

Rant on infedelity
I dont get the advice given on many occasions that people should never tell thier partners . If you believe that not telling them is just a burden you have to wear becuase you made a mistake and you dont want to hurt them . OH please . Your a coward the only thing that not telling lets you do is get away with it and that you dont have to deal with the balls-up your guilty of and doing the work on trying to fix it or the hurt YOU caused the other person because of a mistake YOU made .

What gets me is that people believe they have the right , after they made the mistake .... no ... consious -|- edup decision , to chose , for another person they are supposed to love , on a desicion that will affect thier whole lives . NO ONE on the God given green planet has the right to make such a choice for someone else .

and the word mistake ... there was no mistake when you booked the hotel room , there was no mistake in taking your clothes off , there was no mistake in sleeping or rather -|- ing someone else just becuase he was younger , had a bigger dick . prettier than the wife BLAH BLAH BLAH ... as I have said before there is this God given talent that he chose to bestow on everyone .. a little thing called free will ...not a new concept people just one cowards seem to convientantly forget

I hope the next time you pretend to make love to hubby or the wife ( pretend - not telling makes everything false no matter how much you say you love them .... it is fake ) trhat you can look them in the face and know what that person would really think of you If you were to tell him right there and then .

If you had the chance to chose out of YOUR own FREE WILL , and you say you love your partner that much give him his right to chose out of HIS own FREE WILL if you are worth staying with .

TO Bikilus - the diffrence between stealing swearing ect and cheating is a desision one make consiously out of your own free will , to hurt and betray another person to the core of their soul .... to me .. might be making a mistake ... seems like a pretty BIG diffrence .
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Expert
Sexologist
sexy

01 Jan 0001

Forgiveness:

To forgive: is to absolve or pardon.

It is to open the clenched fist and let go of past hurts, resentment and anger, just as bankruptcy court forgives past debts, gives another chance to start fresh again.

Forgiveness does not excuse or encourage wrongs; does not forget or tolerate them; does not smother them. It faces the wrong, the hurt, the shock, the anger, the many other feelings, example: disappointment, broken promises, loss of trust, numbness, undeserved pain. Trust will have to be earned again with testing over time.

No one is born with an instinct to forgive. Forgiveness cannot be forced out of someone. One person may try to explain behaviour and request that forgiveness be granted. Most are raised with righteous indignation to seek “justice” or retaliation (getting even) or compensation for hurt / harm. The value of forgiveness can, however, be learned. “Forgiveness is love’s revolution against life’s unfairness”, said L.B. Smedes – Forgive & Forget: Healing the hurts we don’t deserve. Harper & Row, San Francisco, 1984. Small hurts can be dismissed. It is deep, personal, unfair betrayals that will be so distressing as to require forgiveness. He states forgiveness is difficult and may need to be done several times in small segments. If the hurt – hate cycle comes back to block the healing process of forgiveness, it is because the “hate – habit” may be so familiar and “delicious” that it feeds on itself, a painful memory forever. Always a decision must be made to “spit out” the hate – hurt core, which can get worse / bigger and even “infect” others, by telling the details over and over to seek “co – haters”.

Smedes mentions that some only find the path through forgiving the self and then others by praying for forgiveness for not forgiving! Smedes calls forgiveness a miracle that allows us to heal and hurt we didn’t deserve. This religious approach is reflected in the New Testament: (Lord’s Prayer) “…forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us …”

Old Testament followers may differ and struggle more because their lifelong learning is “an eye for an eye” that may perpetuate feuds for centuries seeking debt repayment. The prayers of the annual Day of Atonement ritually seek personal forgiveness from God, yet they also offer options for the individual to forgive others who may have offended and so start a new.

Psychologically to prevent becoming a prisoner to ongoing vengeance – seeking or a hurt – hate “spin”, is through forgiveness. Forgiving is your choice to do in your private silent self. Forgiving can give you freedom, self – respect, self – healing, can let you wish the other well. Self – forgiveness is crucial. It needs 1) perspective of the past 2) letting go of the past. Forgiveness can energize you for a new creative beginning. It can be the ultimate act of love. It can be difficult and need many attempts … just start over again.

Solzhenitsyn is the Gulag Archipelago repeated a truism that the different between being a devil or a saint is a matter of degree. There’s good in the worst of us.

Why forgive? To free yourself from the “hurt/hate” cage that can own you. Forgiveness heals the forgiver.

How to forgive? By deciding to let go …. Open the clenched fist … even reach out to reconciliate.
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