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24 Jul 2006

Addicted to porn
Last night my husband broke down and confessed that he is addicted to pornography.

He asked my help. He does not want to get professional help and would like to sort it out ourselves.

Please help. What should I do and how can I help him?
Answer 379 views
Expert
Life Coach for Men

01 Jan 0001

Good Morning

Unfortunately men are visual and pornography is an easily available commodity, especially on the internet. The rules for internet pornography have chaged worldwide and 1000 new porn sites become available every day. The addiction comes from the easy click of a button with unending supplies of pictures and videos.

The porn industry is a multibillion dollar industry and it is here to stay. We are in a world of instant gratification, and pictues and videos allow us the opportunity of gratifying this need in a second. 37% of men admited to looking at porn (even married men) and a high proportion admited to viewing pornography every day, and it does not mean that they are sick or perverted. As human beings we are shock attracted and it is for this reason that we have a morbid need to look at accidents and reality based disasters. The same principle applies to porn. When men are asked, "Why do you look at porn?", the answer is often, "because I can".

We live in a sexual world where sex sells and, as I said before, men are visual, we are turned on by what we see. Women, for the most part, are turned on by what they feel.

The first thing to do is to support him. He has done a brave thing by telling you of his fear and about his deepest secrets. Most men never do that, so well done hubby. If you criticise him, he will simply feel more anxiety and look at more porn.

He is stuck in an OCD loop (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). The obsessive thought (looking at porn as it is exciting and "illegal") drives the compulsive behaviour, but this is linked with anxiety. View once, some guilt and anxiety. The get rid of the guilt and anxiety, view again, but this pushes up the anxiety, so - view again to remove guilt, BUT more anxiety and more guilt, and so on.

The second thing is to put a block on your computer with Net Nanny, or any other Age Restricting Programme if the computer is the source of porn.

Thirdly, ask him to get rid of any other material, books or videos, and if necessary gather them together. If you reprimand him, scold him or criticise him, he will feel like a child and revert to subversive behaviour, i.e., view more porn behind your back, and this will drag him back into the anxiety loop again.

He is brave, and so are you. There is something missing in his life that he fills it with porn, so ask him what it is and start a new journey together. There is no sahme in speaking to professional either, they can help.

Good luck.
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