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22 Jul 2006

Feeling Sad and Lonely in Marriage
I have been married for almost 30 years. Would really love to get divorced but do not have the guts to do it. My marriage is not really a proper marriage in the sense of the word. Its become like an arrangement, I am here to shop, provide meals, clean clothes, organize things, etc. We sleep apart. There is no sex life to speak of. He is always angry, irritable, and not a pleasure to be around. Years ago he hurt me so badly I distanced myself emotionally from him. My biggest mistake is that I never kept my career going but was a stay at home mom. I helped him in his business but stopped because he got verbally abusive to me in front of other employees. I've been saving some money but it will never be enough. At my age, early 50's am not exactly a desirable employable employee. Then on top of it I feel constantly tired, aches and pains...don't know whether this is related to mild depression as well. I do some volunteer work and keep busy going to gym etc. but there is something huge missing from my life, its a huge void, guess it feeling appreciated and loved by my spouse. There really is nothing there anymore and its rather sad. Don't know whats happened to my life. At my age also feel that its too late to start all over again. I just do not have the energy for it all.
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Expert
Life Coach for Men

01 Jan 0001

Good morning anon

According to Erich Fromm, the Psychologist we only have 3 needs:
1. To love
2. to be loved, and
3. To be recognised.

The trust and respect seems to be gone, and any abuse, verbal, physical and emotional destroys these. You are not too old, too tired or too helpless to start again. I knoe this sounds like a platitude, but it is not. We have a choice every day to make a difference, to change and to do things differently. Albert Einstein said, "If we continue to do what we always did, we can continue to get what we always got".

There is a book called "The Irritable Male Syndrome" by Jed Diamond which might help your husband.

Be brave and do things differently. This is hard financially I know, but you need to weigh up the options and make a choice that is good for you.
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