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30 Nov 2005

HIV+please help
dear HIV Counsellor,

i am a young mother of two, 5 & 1year old, i got tested a few months ago and my results came out positive. i also got tested twice before i delivered and a four months after delivery and the results were negative. i am worried that my last born could be positive. do you think that she might be positive? the doctor said that my immune system is resistent and the viral count were also very low.and that i should use a condom every time i have intercourse with my husband. he said that he will not prescribe anything at the moment and that i should come for another test in december.. that was three months ago and i have not been following his advice carefully. i had intercouse with my husband i think four time without protection. it's just so difficult to get used to the condom think after so many years of being together.

my husband cheated on me for a while now. i am not very sure wether he has stopped or he is still going on.basically i don't know if i can trust him again. i am very hurt because he would not
kiss me or touch me nor even have sex with me. he would not call me as much as he used to and he used to come home late. then i found out that i am infected with this horrible virus. he also admitted to having one affair... he has been away from home for almost a year now. and he is returning very soon.

it's just a little difficult for me to stay positive and live with this virus when i don't know where i got it from.i never found any condoms with him which would mean that he never considered using protection.i asked where he thinks we got the virus from but he says he doesn't know. he never wants to talk about HIV/AIDS nor does he want to talk about the affairs he had.

i feel like i've been dropped with this huge responsibility that i din't ask for nor did i invite and i've got no one talk to about it. i also feel it's pointless to get a divorce because of this. my husband is very stuborn and i just can't talk to him about this, it always turns sour or we end up arguing.

i also want to know how this AIDS develops and what i have to do to stay healthy.i never had problems with my skin before but now complexion is getting darker and i 've develop pimples that just wont go away. is this a result of HIV? what can i start taking now as a supplement ?

how do i get my husband to talk about all that has happened openly.

when you find out you are HIV positive what is the next step?
i really need your help. i have thought of committing sucide..
but i can't because of my two girls. and i am only 26 years old now.i don't know how long i have to live. they used to say that after 10 years of being HIV you get AIDS and you become very ill and very thin is this true?

please tell me more more about the virus and side-effects of it.
please anything i need to know to go on living with the virus.

where do i get the african potato ? from pharmacies? are they capsules? is the any chance that i would be tested negative?
or will i die from AIDS?

please help.

Answer 426 views
HIV Counsellor

01 Jan 0001

Hi Poxy-K

What you are going through sounds horrible: lots of uncertainty, feeling that you are loosing your health, and loosing trust in your husband.

1. Although the chance is very small, get your child tested to make sure.

2. You obviously don't have a husband that deserves your trust and respect, since it is blatantly obvious that he has no intention of taking responsability for the wellfare of your relationship by discussing HIV and changing his behaviour. Although you may still love him and might need the financial security provided by your marriage, this situation is actually abusive and will do you a great deal of dammage if it doesn't change. Both of you need counselling and emotional support, but he must be a man and learn to take responsability, facing the facts of his life. Although I hate saying it, divorce may well be a legitimate option if he refuses to do that, even if you live according to a religious perspective.

You need much more emotional support than I can give you on an online forum, but please do continue being involved and sending in questions as they arise. The peer forum is also a wonderful place for support. Free HIV counselling is also available over the phone on 0800-012-322, and they will be able to point you to other useful resources in the area where you live.

As for living a healthy, long and productive life with HIV, that is very much possible. And I imagine that at 26, you have much to live for, including your children. Keep up a solid relationship with your docter and get the emotional support you need. A healthy mind will be crucial to motivate you to maintain a healthy body.

All of the best.

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