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29 Jan 2004

unhappy marriage
I am desperate and I need help my stress level is high, each and everyday I've got headaches due to my unhappy marriage. My husband was an alcoholic for most of our married life and for the past 5 yrs he is sober. Now he has changed totally - he is a new husband and an father for the children. From my side there is no love and I don't feel anything for him due to his drinking yrs ago and the manner that I was treated - I was actually abused. We are married for 30rys but for the past 5yrs it was more hell than it was when he was drinking - toally new manners. I've got an affair now for the past 4yrs in which I am very happy - we love each other very much and he is totally different from what I am used to. We do see each other when there is a gap and we enjoy each other's company but we want to be with each other but I really don't know what to do - it is no use living together and there is no more love - my husband is also very jealous on me - nobody knows about this affair and that is also a reason why I am so tense - always on the lookout if we do meet - at night I can't sleep due to the fact that I am not happy and I don't know what to do - please can you help me I am desperately.
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Expert
CyberDoc
CyberDoc

01 Jan 0001

Koenie, I might be wrong, but it seems to me that you’re now unhappy because of what you’re doing, not what your husband is doing. This doesn’t mean that he isn’t partially to blame, but you are to blame too. If you’re unhappy about your marriage and you don’t want to try and work things out (you’ve had an affair for 4 years, so I doubt it), the best would be to go your separate ways. You will just have to be adult about it and know that you can’t blame him for it. He has changed and is trying to make up, so you can’t blame him for everything. You will have to tell him that you don’t love him anymore and then leave him. Telling him that you have had an affair might be too much honesty than is required for the situation, so be careful. Another thing to do before you take such a drastic step is to drop CyberShrink a line. Good luck.
PS, I’m sorry I took so long to answer your question, but all the answers posted in reply to questions posted on the 29th somehow got lost in Cyberspace. Here it is again.
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