Don't consider suicide, which is inappropriate, especially in the sort of situation your describing. Though homosexuality itself is no longer considered pathological or abnormal by shrinks, there has been a potential diagnosis for someone who feels very bad about their sexual orientation, whatever it may be --- and it would be a good idea to see a shrink, preferably a gay-friendly one recommended by a gay organization --- not because such a shrink would have any remote interest in persuading you to be gay ( o r not gay ) but because they'd be comfortable dealing with the topic and your concerns, without freaking out about it as some might do !
and from the sound of it, whatever else is happening, you may very well be seriously Depressed, and deserving so me proper treatment for that, anyway