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29 Jun 2005

23 year old male Virgin
I'm a 23 year old male virgin. Is this normal? I had a very conservative and christian upbringing where I was taught not to have premarital sex. I have turned down many attractive girls because In my subconcious mind I have this idea that sex is evil. Most women consider me attractive, but it makes me uncomfortable when they flirt with me. I feel more comfortable talking to women who are not considered attractive by todays standards. Maybe another reason for this is that I was sexually molested: when I was 7 years old, I was forced to perform fellatio on a boy who was 10 years old. Maybe if my first and only sexual experience wasn't homosexual, I wouldn't have these problems. jan_safrika(at)yahoo.de
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Cogratulations, Jan, that's an excellent achievement. If your upbringing left you with a good and clear sense of values, that's good. But if it left you assuming that sex is evil, that's most unfortunate and highly inaccurate. Without sex, there would be no community, no church. Having had an unfortunately coerced first sexual experience, let alone one of the form that your upbringing would probably most disapprove of ( though also well within the normal range of behaviours, except when coerced or at that age ), could well have added to this unhelpful set of assumptions you have made. But you did nothing wrong in being a victim of coercion.
Seeing a counsellor could help a great deal to help you to understand yourself and the world better, and to prepare to take your place as an adult and sexual being, and to be able to enter into a happy long-term relationship, and more happy in accepting yourself.
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