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18 Aug 2010

2ND DIVORCE - BAS SITUATION FOR KIDS SO SAD
My ex and I have been divorced for 3 years. Our sons are still very young, 4 &  8. He got married again, I''m engaged. His 2nd marriage did not work out after 6 months. Children is very heart broken. They ask him why I cant come back. I am very happy in my engagement and does not want to go back at all. Although I feel sooooooooo sorry for my children. There is not a day that I dont miss or think about them. I cry myself to sleep at night. I only see them every 2nd weekend. I would like to be a fulltime mom for them, but he wont give me them back to me. He says he will die without them. What should i say? How can I explain to my children the whole break up story and still let them know that i love them sincerely however i cant be with there dad anymore. and worst of all now he is getting divorced again. so the children experience twice all the heartache! life is surely unfair. i wish and pray things will get better. the older son blames the younger for this dads break up. which is also a concern. i really dont know what to do anymore. please i desperately need help. i miss and love my kids sooo much.. i am actually making myself sick every day not being with them, and loosing out on their wonderful lifes.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Its sad to hear of a marriage that was considered to have failed within 6 months - what was the great surprise that broke it up, the unbearable component they had no idea about when marrying ?
From your commnets, it sounds as though HE got custody of the children ? Its unusual for the husband to get custody, and for the wife to have such limited visitation rights - was there a good reason for this at the time ? If so, does it still apply or have the circumstances changed ?
Are the children specifically worried about wanting you back full-time, or at least wanting to see more of you ? Why is THAT not practical ?
Was the visitation rights, etc., decided after proper asessment by a court during the divorce ? Or just worked out between you ? If the latter, it might be worth going to court for a re-assessment of the situation, and you should consult a lawyer. With his new marriage having failed, he doesn't sound like an impregnably secure and ideal parent.
Men may of course be just as attached to the children as women, but for him to insist that he "would die without them" sounds unuually extreme. And giving them more access to you ( neither of you should ever forget the real issue is what is best for the kids ) is hardly him having to live without them.
COuld you at least persuade him that all these events are clearly upsetting the kids, and suggest that he arrange for them to see a counsellor, together, to help them ?
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