Ask an expert

24 Dec 2004

4 Smiley

This Jelly Bean walks into a bar and gets talking to a Smartie.
After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, do you fancy going to that new club in town?"
The Jelly Bean says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up getting my head kicked in.
"So Smartie says "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you."
So Jelly Bean says "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me."
And off they went.
After a few more beers in the club, three Clorets walk in.
As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under a table, the Clorets take one look at Jelly Bean and start kicking him, punching him and generally having a laugh.
After a while they get bored and walk out.
Jelly Bean pulls his battered Jelly Bean body over to the table and wipes his Jelly Bean blood up and turns to Smartie and says "I thought you were going to look after me?"
"I was!" says Smartie, "But those Clorets are flippin menthol...!!!

How did the butcher introduce his wife?
"Meet Patti."

At the recent Olympics, a man was walking through the Olympic village carrying a long pole.
A reporter came up to him and asked "Are you a pole vaulter?"
The man replied, "No, I'm a German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

A man was filling up at a local petrol station when he accidentally spilled petrol on himself.
He dried himself off as best he could and left. While driving down the road he lit a cigarette, unfortunately he dropped the match on his arm and set it alight, so he tried to put it out by stick his arm out the window, but this was in vane. So the Cops had to pull him over
.............For waving a fire arm in public.

Why don't anteaters ever get sick?
Because they're all full of anty bodies.

What did the mama buffalo say to the son buffalo when he went off to college?

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.

What is the difference between a crappy golfer and a crappy skydiver?
A crappy golfer goes "WHACK, dammit!"
A crappy skydiver goes "Dammit, WHACK!"

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

Answer 412 views

01 Jan 0001

At last I have a good raisin for avoiding muesli
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.