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21 Jan 2013

9 year old son
I am a divorcee with a 9 year old son. I have been dating my boyfriend on and of last 3 years now. My son is used to him, boyfriend does a lot of thing for my son by buying expensive gift etc. His dad doesn''t do anything or spend time with him, Yesterday we had sex in the room behind close doors and locked. My son tried to open the door and then my son peeked through the key whole. Then he burst out screaming ''You having sex"  and he started crying and throwing tantrums. This is the 3rd time something like this has happen. The first time he was crying so hard as if someone told him I died. He knows what sex is, I have never expose him to it. I don''t understand his behavior and when I question him about it, he cant explain himself to me. Another thing that bothers me, is when I tried talking to him he couldn''t look in my face, I don''t know if its shyness, anger, embarrassment or what
What does a nine year old feel?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Buying expensive gifts, of course, isn't an important thing to do for a child ; giving loving , caring time together is far more valuable.
Is it really essential for you two to have sex while your son is in the home and awake ? What about while he's visiting friends or family, or at school, or at night once he's asleep ?
Its not at all surprising that he can't easily explain WHY this upsets him so much ( "Why?" is often a remarkably unhelpful question to ask people ). But of course he's embarassed. Even if a child has learned the technicalities of sex, they usually don't want to think of their parents or loved ones actually doing IT.
I very much agree with Purple about the importance ( not in any angry or accusatory way ) of talking calmly about the importance of giving privacy to others ( and being able to expect it oneself ) ; not looking through keyholes, and so on.
Don't scold Purple for "judging" you - throughout your life people will judge you, and its a privilege when you hear what other people think of you and your story.
Christiana's comments are also very helpful
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