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18 Apr 2006
a new age
I thought i posted this to you before but i can't find it! Anyway, what can I do with myself? I was brought up very conservatively and thought what i was told to think etc etc. I don't know whether i was happy or unhappy. In recent years i have followed this new age way of finding my authentic self, getting in tune with the universe etc. I'm not all airy fairy but I have found peace and joy in exploring these fields. On the other hand, I notice more than ever (it was there always but I couldn't identify it)my husband (of 30 years marriage) as a materialistic, controlling, shallow person. I should be able to be at peace with him but I like him less every day. I am glad for my new-age thinking because it has opened my mind but it has created conflict too and what now?Do I set myself free to be my true self (but a LOT poorer) or do I try to stay?
If one has been brought up consrvatively and trained NOT to think for onself, learning to do so later in life can be a bit difficult --- after all, it represents changing the habits of a lifetime ; but it's worth it. And as one gains insight into oneself, one may indeed see other people in a different light, and not always a flattering one. Is there room to negotiate fruitfully within the future of your relationship ? COuld some marriage counselling help ---not necessarily to find ways for you two to stay together, though that may be feasible and worthwhile --- but at least to enable you both, should you decide to part, to do so more knowledgeably.
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