Ask an expert
Question

09 Aug 2010

About mom and put downs
I''m a married lady of 30. Very happily married. We have a very close extended family. The thing is my mother always puts me down. Every chance she gets. In front of company. And it hurts!
When I draw her attention to it, she says she didn''t mean it that way. But even my husband has noticed. I have told her that when she says things like that, it hurts me, although she doesn''t mean it that way.
And then she says she wants to be my best friend and she wants to be able to talk to me! If i talk to her about something, she pretends to listen. I know this because when I talk to her about it the next time, she says I never told her.
I feel like she''s a " fair weather friend" . She''s always been like this to me. I''ve tried, really I have. And I don''t want to stop the visits as she''s my mom, and we love her.


Answer 441 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Try to treat your mom's unpleasant comments as you would treat the dog next door when he barks - the noise is about the dog, and her nasty comments are ABOUT HER, not about you. let them pass. Treat it as though she had embarrassingly passed wind - its not pleasant, but not something you'd allow to ruin your evening.
Tell her if she genuinely wants to be your best friend, she still has to learn how to be friendly , and how to pay attention to what you need and enjoy, and to notice and react to whatever effect her words have on you.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
32% - 9433 votes
No
68% - 19974 votes
Vote