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06 Nov 2006

Abused & Confused
CS, Today I wish so badly that I could sit infront of you, talk to you & that you, nobody else because of the trust I have in you, can just listen to me, and guide me. You know me well, but I feel just to ashamed to use my real nic. I am sad, angry & confused.

My husband and I have a good relationship. One thing is killing just everything, and that is that he gets physical abusive towards me at times. Things will go well for a few months, then just one day he snaps & abuses me.
I wish i could just know WHY.
first few times i forgave him, hoping it will change, but after a year of being abused every few months, I realize now.....it wont stop.
I dont understand how such a loving & caring person, can in 5 minutes change into such a monster. How the same hands who touches me every day in a loving way, can hit me through the face that my face is sore for a week.

I believe that he doesnt want to do this to me. But it is almost like he can't control himself.

I must make the biggest decision of my life. Divorce & leave him, or try again......But I dont believe he can change. I dont believe he can control his anger & temper.

I dont want to get divorced. At the moment the good memories are playing like a movie in my head, and the bad ones too.

I am not willing to carry on like this, Of course if there was a way to change things, I would do it, but I am not in control of his bad temper. he is. And he finds it unable to control.
This leaves me with no choice, I must divorce him, and that just hurts so much. Everything else about him is wonderful, but the one bad thing, is unacceptable. That is so sad. Why is it that some people find it so hard to control their own tempers. Why do some people actually snap & loose it so badly, that they are not even aware of what they are doing at the time. What happens to a person like this?

I know what I have to do, but it will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do. I wish there was just some hope I could cling onto, but i'm afraid that is all it would be...hope.

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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

The question WHY is irresistable, but usually unanswerable, and thus not as well worth pursuing as it feels like it ought to be. Its him who ought to be asking himself that question, with the aid of a therapist. It may be possible for him to change, but ONLY if he is convinced that this is a serious problem, if he sincerely wants to change, and if he works with a appropriate therapist. Otherwise it would indeed be wise to plan your exit so that you can continue a happier and more fruitful way of life away from him.
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