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26 Jul 2005

Abusive loveless marriage
What brought me to the sexologist or cybershrink forums? Well, I got the link from a friend. Visited the link. I liked the discussion. Well maybe because I have been involved in a less pleasing relationship for sometime. I have quited and been promised things will improve, came back. That improvement or change either never happens or is replaced by another new set of cruelty, abuse and misery . Got married, hoping things will improve ignoring advice of a professional counsellor who said you have no bargaining power once in a marriage. I guess I desire and long for stability, family and happiness. Currently, I am sex starved. My wife does not meet my sexual needs. I have refused a temptation to cheat, though so overwhelming. You would not believe if I tell you that the last time we made love was in early June. And we are in our earliest 30s. it is a huge frustration that negatively impacts on every other facet of my life. I believe I am a very good man and a very great husband. I make sure my wife has everything she wants a t home. i help with the chores fully. It is unbelievable.

I am hurting everyday. She treats me with little or no dignity at all. She strives and thrives on making me look and feel bad, stupid or inadequate. For example one morning we had a disagreement and she accused me saying "oh maybe there is somewhere you are treated nicely." implying that I am cheating. I am not. Talk to me. Help me somebody. I am awake I cannot sleep.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hello Fransman, and welcome. Mmm, now you can see the wisdom of the counsellor who advised against marriage. I have absolutely never seen a relationship with problems which improved on marriage. Sometimes, and this may be the case in your wife's example, someone who themselves has low self-esteem and feels bad abou themselves, tries to feel better by making someone else feel little and bad, instead.
I tend to agree with the other readers, that it is very hard to see any reason why you would want to remain in a relationship with such a selfish and unpleasant person. You might try giving her an u8ltimatum, maybe try to encourage her to join you in marriage counselling, if you feel there is any chance that she would do so and would allow herself to change. Otherwise consider leaving her, and taking time to recover, maybe with the help of a personal counsellor, and taking time to look for a much more satisfying relationship with someone less wrapped up in themselves.
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