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12 Feb 2004

Abusive Relationship
Hi ppl
I chattered to ur'll previously abt my relationship where i kept catching my partner out in his own lies and picking up on his deceptions.After hearing every reply by the ppl in this forum "was to leave him" ... i went home to call it a day.
When i did this, he got defensive and eventually agreed. Two of his friends came over that evening and we told them our intentions. We told them the story, and they pointed out to him how wrong he was and that i have been right. I am not the kind of woman who wants to be Miss Right all the time, but if i am right, i will stick to my guns and if i am wrong, then i am wrong. He has since realised how wrong he had been and apologised profusely on several occasions. I have told him that i will push his button again and he will get angry but he does not have the right to hit me. He has a degree in psycology and a legal mind that will make anyone feel small. I have since caught up with his antics and can call his bluff. The question is: Do i believe that he has actually changed. Do I give myself to him again fully? Do ppl who have a violent background actually change?
I was all hunky dory until someone mentioned to me that a person reaction is their true self and when we fight, instinct comes to play and a reaction is a violent one. I have suggested councelling, he wanted to then he didnt want to and now everything is just great in our relationship at the moment so its a dropped subject. I know, I know, I seem to have lost the basic ability to make a decision and stick to it, but love really has such a play in life.
Answer 318 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Nicki,
I would be very cautious about believing what he SAYS ( especially as he is a lawyer --- their job depends on being good at using their words slyly )and look more at what he DOES. If he needs counselling, is it actually loving to let him get away without it ? isn't it intended to benefit him, as well as you ?
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