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15 Jul 2010

advice
my live in boyfriend and father to our little girl we''ve been together for 5 years, the problem started about 3years back when he impregnated somebody else while we were living together, well i seem to accepted the situation then, but now the problem is i think im still angry at that situation because he never told me why and how he did that. as a result we are constantly fighting about useless things around the house. please help me to get rid of this anger i still have inside me and move on. we''ve tryed counceling to no avail. i know he loves me but i cant say the same cause i really dont know if i still love him. maybe if i got rid of the anger i can be able to know if im still inlove with him. i find it hard to trust him, and he is now talking about marriage. i do want to marry him just to show that other women that he was mine from the first place. this is not a healthy relationship
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Its very understandable that you would feel bad about the fact that he not only cheated on you, but chose to father a child with someone else while you considered that you were committed to each other. How he did it is hardly a mystery, and why is probably not hard to work out, either.
If the anger is appropriate, and if he has not convinced you he regrets what he did and that he is unlikely to do so again, therapy / counselling would ned to be focussed on these issues, and not on simply stifling your anger.
Do NOT marry him unless and until these issues have been properly resolved, as mariage will not solve them at all. You yourself say this relationship is not healthy at all.
And there can be few more doomed and foolish reasons to marry anyone than to try to score points off a rival. If the marriage turns out to be miserable and he continues cheating - wha lesson will that other woman have learned ?
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