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30 Jun 2005

Advice needed please...
We are engaged, have a boy, 8 months.. We are almost 4 years together. I need help, any help. She is MD of a company. She had relationships with two men at here work, not your ordinary relationship, not to get into details, lets just say the relationships was for the "benefits" only... Those men are maried. Now sometimes she lets me know that she is goning to work late.

Sometimes she lets me know (all via sms) that she is going for coffee or lunch with one of them. This happens once to 3 times a week. There was times when she lied about where she is going, I confront her then she says she knows how I would react, thats why she said nothing. Alot of times she works late, most of the times only for 20 - 30mins, but doesn't let me know, I sms and try to phone to hear were she is. Then after 20 - 30mins, she phone and says, she is sorry, but she had stuff to sort out and was not in her office to let know..... BUT PLEASE DO NOT EVER try to confront her, then she says that I do not trust her..

What can I do, how can I handle this situation, I am afraid I might find out something that will destroy me. How can I let her know that if she was in my shoes, she would've liked it when I go out to lunch with an (benefits) ex?!

She is a great woman in many ways, but this is the thing that break me apart.....allways.....

Please give me any advise....
Answer 479 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

No wonder some companies have commercial difficulties, when management get involved in affairs with each other. Sounds like you're very ambivalent here, wanting and not wanting to know what's going on. her continuing to go out for lunch ( a social nor business occasion ) with someone she has previously had an affair with, unless others are present for genuine business reasons, is unfortunate. Any chance of marriage counselling ?
Sounds like the immature little boss i spending way too much money and way too much time showing off his wealth. How pathetic ! Actually,I'm inclined to share Buzz's suspicions, as she does sound as if she may have qualified ( and may continue to qualify herself ) as MD in a slightly unorthodox manner. Are you sure you want to marry someone you can't trust, and who does seem to be continuingly unfaithful ? And I agree that the company directors might be very surprised to hear how this pair choose to waste their time during office hours.
Nothing about business requires her to socialize with her boss alone, though of course both might be present when they entertain an actual live client ( if that boss can stop buying things long enough to actually sell something ).
And your last comment suggests that she does what she does because she relies on you to accept it. If that's the relationship you want, you're welcome to it, and it will continue like this or escalate. If you cant a genuine relationship with someone faithful and focussed on you, then this may not be it !



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