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19 Mar 2003

ADVICE PLEEEEEEEZE
My husband and I have been together now almost 5yrs we have 4 children (his mine and ours);
we all get on very well and dont have much problem there. But the the problem I feel we do have is that his two boys have no contact with their mom she phones maybe once a month (she lives in another province) she doesnt pay maintance andnever sends letters or anything, we have never stop her, I feel that she needs to take some responsiblity for the children; but everytime I try to discuss things with my husband he clams up and refuses to discuss anything and tell me to stop obssesing about it and leave it alone (the children dont ask for her at all) but I still feel she needs to have contact with them in some way.
Do i make contact with her and ask her to become more involved in their lives or just do what my husband says leave it be and forget about her?????
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear tinkerbell,
You strongly feel that your husband's Ex-wife needs to become more involved in the upbringing of the children of which you and he have custody. Interesting, as by far the more common complaint in sitations like this, is for the current wife to want the ex to have LESS to do with the children ( and, hence, with the family ).
But I don't hear clearly from you WHY you feel that it is important for her to have more contact with the children ? Apparently she doesn't want it, the children don't want it, and your husband, her Ex, doesn't want it. It sounds as if you are the only on who wants this --- is this because you have a basic belief that they OUGHT to, whether or not they want to ? It doesn't sound as if anyone else is bothered about this, and it dosn't seem likely that the children or the mother would be harmed by the present situation. The children live with loving parents ( the two of you ) and in a happy family --- that puts them ahead of a great many children. Is there really any actually good reasons for dsturbing a situation that seems to work well enough for everyone else, because of a theory that leads you to believe that it ought to be done differently ?
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