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06 Dec 2004

Affair
Doc,

I would like to know, me and my husband are married for 12 years. I found out that he had an affair 12 months ago. This thing went on for the hole year, then he moves out of the house (to his suster) to make up his mind and I start the devorce procuders and then he moves back. It goes well for 4 to 6 weeks and then he gets all confused and then he starts seing her and after a month or two he moves out the house to his suster just to move back again. now the affair has gone sour, the other lady did devorce her husband during the year, but I think their both dont feel the same about one another any more.
14 weeks ago he was also out of the house and he and the lady went shopping, he sead that he felt out of place doing shopping with her the Sunday when she was cooking for them he was thinking about me all the time. That Monday he phoned me and asked if I would meet him at home. I went, I told him he cant just move back he must be sure this time so he vissited me for 4 weeks and then I sead he could move back.
It is a bit difficalt for me but I try to be there for my husband, I try not to fight with him and tell him all the time how mutch he means to me.]

I would like to know: what is the chances that he will do this again? He is seing a chrink that says that the main reason for him doing this was acceptance (he did not get mutch in the process of growing up, his suster was always the spoiled one) and a verry big eggo boost from the other lady. It seems that at his work there is a lot of affairs going on. He is a road runner and the lady with whom he had a affair is also a road runner. He was the club Captain and dit all the programes for the people and he did verry well in his running - so did she. They both won the club champs and so on.

Thank you
Would like to know

I also started running but I only went to 3 races this year - it felt a bit out of place with her there.
Answer 359 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sounds like your husband became a foolish and highly confused man, dithering about what he really wanted. And maybe he has eventually decided that it is you that he wants. Perhaps. Maybe it's be worth insisting, before making an committment about accepting him back, that he work hard with you in marriage counselling, to understand better what went wrong and how to prevent it from happening again. His shrink's explanation, as reported, isn't very helpful, and sounds a bit more like an excuse. Work together with a therapist and see if you two can make a good relationship again.
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