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16 Feb 2004

Afraid my best friend will be killed
Plz can someone help me!! My best friend called me last nite crying & screaming for me to call the police because her boyfriend (of 2 years) whom she is living with would not let her stay with me for the night because they were fighting. All I heard was him threatening to kill her & her screaming for help & then the phone went dead. I phoned her back & her boyfriend answered & started shouting at me. He is a drug dealer & he was obviously high on something & he warned me that if I call the police he will get arrested & if that happens-if even one cop shows up he will iether kill her or make it lok like she was the one dealing & then he would send people after me, my boyfriend & my family. My friend was shouting in the background for him to give the phone to her & when she came on the line she begged me now not to call the police. I Heard him calling her names & threatening her in the background & shouting about what he would to do me if she leaves & comes to me for help. I told her I'd call her back & phoned a mutual friend of ours & asked him to go over-pretending to just visit them & then called my friend back. The guy I told to go over there was there in about 5 minutes & managed to get her boyfrined to leave the room & told her to lock herself in the bedroom with the phone. I told her when she goes to work 2moro she must tell her boss what is going on & then come to my house & just leave all her stuff behind. Well, if she gets to my place ok, I don't know what to do from there. Do we go to the police together & get him arrested? Do we just get an intadict? Do we just get some big strong guys to hold him down & help her pack her stuff to move out? He has threatened to kill us both-as well as our families! What if he calls them before he gets arrested & has people come after us? I really need some help Plz!
Answer 419 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Desperate,
As a drug dealer, he is already a habitual criminal. He has committed further serious crimes by threatening major violence towards her and you, and deserves to be under arrest. Surely you need to contact the police and get them involved, by making a formal complaint about his threatening to kill her, to cause violence towards her and you, and threatening to give false evidence to the Police by making her appear to be a drug dealer.
Such a man is a louse, and no woman EVER needs such a person in their lives. The police ought to be able to help you both to obtain an urgent COurt interdict to forbid him from approaching, contacting, or in any way harrassing either of you, on pain of going to jail if he disobeys the order. The police ought to be able to accompany her to fetch her things, and to protect her while she does so.
The fact that he may have been high on something at the time is irrelevant and no excuse.
Yes, there are risks involved in her leaving him, but the risks of staying with him sound likely to be very much higher.
I appreciate that he is threatening violence towards all of you --- that's why the police involvement is needed, as no-one else can provide some degree of safety to you both. A group like POWA may know of a shelter for abused women where she might stay for the time being ; or she could go back to stay with her parents or other family members.
We recognize tha the SA police are often laughably and pathetically inadequate, but they do have rights and powers the rest of us don't, and can arrest him and anyone else who might come on his behalf. If the two of you have somewhere else you could go for a few days at least, with the knowledge of the police, so the other steps can proceed meanwhile, while it may become clearer how much of his threatening behaviour is bluff and how much is real. If you have tough pals who can also provide some support for you, like staying at your place temporarily, that might also help. Sending them after him only risks their moving into a situation in which they are also legally dodgy, compared with their greater rights to act in self-defense at your place.
Do keep in touch with us on the Forum and let us know how things work out.
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