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21 Nov 2005

After 10 yrs am still missing him
I had a baby boy when I was 18. Unfortunately my baby-boy passed away when he was five months. It happened suddendly.
He got sick in he mid night and passed away. I really don't know what happened we went to doctors that night they even called the kid specialists that night but they couldn't figure uot wahat was wrong. I am now 29 and I am still griefing. When I was in labour I was alone and feeling pains.
Why am I still crying, in pain ... it happened ten years ago and I can't let him go. I kept his pictures in my bags in my office. I am with another man now and I am scared to have baby... He wants us to have a baby and I also want to have a baby with him but I can't I am too afraid to fall pregnant I am scared I miss my baby boy a lots I can't have another baby .. I just can't...

I think the problem is I am blamming myself for the passing away of my baby-boy. I think it was because I heard a baby when I was still young, so I didn't have that experience of looking after my baby... I miss him so much and it hurts, from the bottom of my heart I miss him... And I can't have another baby ... I love my baby-boy ... why am I still missing him so much... he was the best thng ever happen to me... we were friends .. he was my baby.. he kept me company...I was looking after him,, he was my responsibity... and now he is gone ,, gone forever hmmmm it is too much ... Why....... why my baby-boy ... he didn't deserve to die ....
Answer 458 views

01 Jan 0001

Hello Tinto,
I am so sorry to hear of all this grief that you have been carrying around with you for so long. It is always sad to lose someone we love, and with someone so young, and a death so suddent and unexpected, and unexplained, it can be much harder than usual. You needed and deserved good grief counselling at that time, and you still do. Complicated Grief is unpleasant and can be helped. I am absolutely certain that your baby's death was not your fault ; you loved him and cared for him as well as you could --- these awful things happen, and can happen to all of us. But if you think about it, you will agree, surely, that this lovely child would not want you to remember him with pain and suffering all your life --- and he would, surely, want you to remember him with happiness, remembering the joy he was able to bring you in his short life --- and he would, just as surely, want you to let yourself have another child, and experience that joy again. He didn't deserve to die, but some things go wrong with infants, which are nobody's fault, and which nobody deserves.
Also, check out in the phone book and maybe through your local Lifeline, and look for a nearby branch of a group called The Compassionate Friends, which is a self-help group of people who have lost a child, at any age, who gather and hep each other.
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