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27 Jan 2004

Always a cheater
I dont think I have ever been totally faithful in any relationship in my life. I just seem to love the excitement that comes with having an affair and I don't seem to feel really guilty about it. At the same time it never changed my feelings towards the person I'm in the relationship with. I think it is probably a question of growing up and being selfish. I'm married and really really love my husband. In the beginning I never imagined I would ever cheat on him. But then I did and even confessed. We got over it. It's been 2.5 years since then. I'm on the verge of cheating on him again. I'm scared of the consequences but the excitement seems to be winning. The guy is not even that attractive. I don't understand myself. It's like I need to stick a post-it on my forehead that reads "DONT DO IT".I know I'm too idealistic. Deep down inside would you believe I'm really a nice conservative girl with an old fashioned approach to life. Except I'm always thinking of what his friends are like in bed. I know you will say I must have low self esteem to be acting this way. I suppose that's true in some ways. But that still doesn't change the fact that I think I am about to do something really stupid. I don't want to leave my husband. I know it's unfair on him.Am I strange?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Gemini, can you really find no other source of "excitement" than cheating on your husband ? Can't you get involved in exploring and developing your relationship with your husband, and making it more exciting for both of you ? You know that the idea of infidelity, though titillating, is stupid, unfair, and could be highly damaging to your marriage. It isn't irresistable, if you make the effort to resist.
When you say that you're able to cheat and enjoy the excitement of cheating, without feeling any guilt ---but that this "doesn't change your feelings for your husband", it suggests there's really something lacking in those feelings you chose to have for your husband. The lack of guilt implies that you feel that anything enjoyable to you, can't be wrong ? Would you find it entirely acceptable if your husband did the same thing, just because he found it exciting ?
See a marriage counsellor, and sort out this destructive streak, and invest in the marriage you chose to enter into.
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