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17 Feb 2004

AM I OVERREACTING
I am 38 and married to a man who has two children (aged 5 & 8) from a previous marriage. I get on well with the children but not with their mother. I feel a tinge of jealousy towards her as my husband has refused me children but supports her in every way possible. He sees the children daily and participates in all their activities. I earn more than he does and pay for all our living expenses including the bond, vehicles, tel acc etc. From his salary he pays his child support which is also well above the norm. Am I overreacting when I tell him I feel neglected as a wife and that I no longer care to financially support him or his ex?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

dear ej,
No, I don't think you are overreacting. While it is obviously his duty to provide some maintenance and support for his children, it sounds as if he is almost maintaining two households, one ( with his Ex and the kids ) at his expense, afforded because the other is run entirely at your expense. So even i you don't actually pay for the maintenance, by paying for everything else, you are enabling him to pay high maintenance, which perhaps he wouldn't otherwise be able to afford.
And he hardly even has the excuse for refusing to have a child with you, that he can't afford it, because you can.
No, this sounds like exploitation, and maybe you need to move towards asserting what you want and need, rather than letting the ex be in charge of that.
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