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08 Dec 2004

AM I OVERREACTING
In June a friend of mine gave me a gift for my birthday. Thereafter we slept together, thinking that we could have a relationship but we realised it would never work. Our friendship is not the same but we still talk sometimes. My concern is this: I bought him a christmas present and phoned him to arrange that I give it to him, he said that he would call me back. Which he didnt. Then I sent him an e-mail and it came back deleted without being read. My problem is this, whenever we speak on the phone he tells me that I am being scarce and should phone him more often and that me not speaking to him, is like him not speaking to his mother. He tells me to call him the next day and then when I do call he seems irritated and once again tells me that he will call back (which he never does). Our conversations are normally general but he will always refer back to when we slept together and he will talk about things that might happen in the future. Now he has gone to the point of just ignoring me. Now I have a gift and I dont know if he wants it or not, because I dont want to give him the impression that I'm running after him by calling him. Is the problem with me (am i pushing) or is the problem with him.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

You know, TJ, that was the wrong way round, wasn't it ? One shouldn't sleep with someone if we THINK we might be able to have a good relationship with them --- we surely need to at least establish whether we CAn and DO already have a good and potentialyl lasting relationship, before sleeping on the job ? And what you're describing is the sort of embarrassing and confusing sequel to sleeping together prematurely.
Sounds like you're handling the situation better than him. If he's too rude or panicked to respond, ignore him, and give the present to someone else. If he ever makes contact again, tell him you gave it to someone who was at least polite enough to reply to your messages.
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