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Question

30 Nov 2004

Am i ready?
Good day, I am a lady in love with a man who is wonderful to me. My problem is, well, i donk know, we have been together for the past four years, in the first two years i cought him cheating on me. He even got another women pregnant, then our relationship was a bit shaky, i lost my trust in him. He promised that things like that he will never do to me again. Now he wants to marry me and i agreed we even set up a date which is next week!! but now, i cant stop thinking and asking myself if we will make it as a married couple.

I never cheated on him before. These days we fight almost every weekend, he is a party animal, i also like going to parties especially with him... but every time when he wants to go out with his friends alone i get so furious, I always want to see him by my side. He says i want to be possessive of him, i think my problem is that i dont trust him because everytime when he leaves the house i think he is going to a girlfriend, evertime when he talks to the phone i think he is talking to a girlfriend, I even accuse him that he is still cheating on me but i am not sure and he tells me that he is not anymore and serious about me. I wan to believe him but am scared that what if i find him cheating again? I am not sure if i will be able to handle that...

He says he is 100% sure that he wants to marry me but my question is HOW DO I TRUST HIM AGAIN?

Please help me regain my trust...
Answer 374 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I can understand why you would have lost trust in him --- I can't udnerstand how you would have resumed trusting him. Marriage sounds rather sudden. Why not postpone, thing it through, maybe work through some marriage counselling together, to be sure that things are likely to remain well ? A party animal marrying a non-party animal usually doesn't work -- different species. And you already fight every weekend ? What makes you think this will get better , especially unaided ? What sort of husband keeps wanting to go out ON HIS OWN with his friends, and hasn't bothered to find people who are friends of both of you, so you can go out pleasantly together ?
If you don't trust him yet, you don't trust him enough to get married to him. Nothing you describe about this relationship sounds like the basis for a happy marriage.
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