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09 Jul 2010

am i under his spell?
Hi

I feel like i''m in a constant state of going nowhere! my baby''s father who is now my ex, keeps driving me insane, he dumped me and his baby six years ago - i was on the edge of going psycho! i got over him and forgave him! he is now with another woman - has another baby -find i''ve no issues with that! Now he tells me that i need to buy some goods (on my baby''s behalf)for some traditional ceremony that the entire family is going to participate in - this is the family that knows about my child - have never bothered to find out how this child''s been doing ok!

this man now tells me about the issues that my child might have later on in life - i mean duh - who doesn''t come across challenges in life? i told him that i''m Christian and in the very same way that God has been taking care of my child since birth - He will continue doing that! This man lives 10 minutes away from us but will never come and see how my baby is doing and suddenly my child must be involved in things i myself do not understand?!? I am so furious! am i in denial??? the only time that he will call me is if he is stuck 1000km somewhere and needs to be bailed out, then he''ll think of me!

why am i so furious?
Answer 475 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

He sounds like a highly selfish and irresponsible guy. If his family suddenly wwants some ceremony involving the child, not only should this have been discussed with you long ago, but they should bear all the costs of it, if you are willing to take part at all.
Is he paying maintenance for his child ? If not, why not ? Maybe suggest to him that you're planning a maintenance ceremony in the Maintenance court, and he may want to contribute to those expenses ?
For you to be furious at his feble atitude is entirely understandable, and nothing to blame yourself for. Just tell him you and your child have no need of suh a ceremony, let alone for any such expenses, and that you won't be bailing him out again. If the ceremony protects against such problems later in life, maybe he needs it himself
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