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18 Apr 2006

Am I wrong?
My boyfriend and I are from different backgrounds, cultures and religions. We will be having a baby in next couple of weeks and we have been staying together for the past 3 months. Even though things seem to be okay, we discussed the issue of getting married and both come to the conclusion that we cant get married to each other due to the differences in culture and religion. I am muslim so at least we have come to a mutual agreement that my child is muslim and will practice everything about the islamic religion. My problem is this: We have decided that we wont get married so why are we staying together? I've asked him this question and he says that we have a baby on the way. My argument is that a baby does not keep a relationship together and rather we are happy apart than unhappy staying together because of a baby. I told him yesterday that as time goes on I am becoming more dependant on him emotionally and its going to get worse. In my mind its easier to part ways now than later. Whats the use of being in a relationship knowing that its going to end in a break. In his culture he is allowed 2 wives and he wants to marry two women, when we talk about marriage I always talk about the man I'm yet to meet and he talks about the women he is going to find. Even if there was a chance that we got married, I would never settle for being 1 of 2 wives. Am I wrong for thinking this and telling him that we should break up.
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01 Jan 0001

You're right that a baby isn't glue, and doesn't ( and shouldn't ) keep a relationship together. And you raise an excellent question --- if you are both religiously concerned then, if you are not planning to get maried, why Are you living together ? The mere fact that a biological father and mother are around together but unhappy, isn't a bonus for any child. And as you have noticed, the problem can be that you will grow to be emotionally involved and even dependent on a man who has decided not to mary you. And whatever his culture may theoretically allow, having 2 wives in this day and age is not generally acceptable, and is a patriarchal tradition that especially today has little benefit for the woman.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you for finding this set-up disturbing and not to your taste.
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