Ask an expert
Question

12 Apr 2006

Another Death
This morning my girlfriend and i awoke to the horrible news that her brother was killed in the early hours in a car accident. Understandebly she is shocked, especially seeing as he was her only sibling and in the absolute prime of his life. We stay on the coast, while he lived in Jhb, so now there's the hassle of flights, funerals, wills etc...a process that is going to be extremely difficult for her and her folks.

I know there's no manual for these situations, but what is the best course of action from my part? I love her with all my heart and can't bare to see her in such pain, while being absolutely helpless to ease it. I'm also grieving as being an only child myself, I really regarded him as a brother, despite the relatively short time we knew eachother. I find myself having to retreat to go and cry my eyes out...I don't want to be like that in front of her as I think she'll crumble more...it's silly I know, but I really want to appear as stable as possible in front of her.

We've also just planned an overseas trip for mid-May, but now she's doubting whether we should go. My personal opinion is that it would be good to get away, but then again I'm no expert.

I'd really appreciate any advice any of you may have on my situation.

Thanks!
D
Answer 438 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Nicplay,
So sorry to hear of yet another tragedy. Your local Hospice ( and I seem to remember some excellent ones on the coast, some of which I taught at ) may be able to help loan a counsellor with grief experience, and might be able to lend some useful self-help books o grief which could help to guide you as to how to be most useful to her.
Being basically supportive, allowing her to talk about him and her grief WHEN she wants to, and not to talk about it when she doesn't, is actually very useful. Its hard to generalize about whether the overseas trip in May would be a good idea--- it could well be a bit too soon for her ( let alone you ) to be able to really enjoy it. Is it possible to postpone it, without losing money and the possibilities of whatever you two were to do over there ?
Aj's comments seem sound
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
32% - 9463 votes
No
68% - 20185 votes
Vote