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18 Feb 2004

Approachability in a social environment... ???
Hiya

I just got back from this social gathering... there was a guest speaker...and there were about 20 of us... i've just left...without having a proper conversation with anyone!

Is there a problem with me? How do I make myself more approachable? As far as spoken words went, names were all, but that's about it...

I did get to the place before most of the other people and don't recall one person..oh ok, one person, coming UP TO ME and introducing themselves...

It's always been my belief/social etiquette... that if i arrive at some place and there are people there.. I go up and introduce myself to them...but how come it isn't reciprocated???

Advice would be helpful!

Thanks

Joe
Answer 437 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Joe, Social expectations are changing, and are now more general and less predictable than they used to be. But expecting other people to make all the effort, and to approach you and engage you in conversation, is a non-starter. There's nothing wrong with you that people don't happen to swarm around you --- doubt that they swarmed around anyone, except maybe the guest speaker. ON such occasions, most folks talk mainly to friends, to people they already know. But it doesn't take much effort for you to join in discussions, and to go beyond the simple exchange of names. Names as such are not very interesting. ut if you follow up ( depending on the nature of the group ) by asking them what they do, why they're interested in the topic of the evening, whatever, you have opened a conversation, and it's not hard to keep it going if you're a good listener --- don't be inhibited by worrying too much about not having anything brilliant to say --- the others mainly want to talk about themselves, and will appreciate it if you encourage them to do so.
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