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Question

14 Nov 2006

Are congratulations in order ?
A couple friend of mine has a 5 year old daughter.They decided to have another child and now have a 7 month old daughter.They have been really struggling financially,borrowing money they often struggle to pay back even before the birth of second child. I assisted where I could.When the 2nd child was born things went from bad to worse, car got repossesed, they were thrown out of the flat they rented because of arrears in rent. They are both working, not well paying jobs and sometimes food to eat becomes an issue. They are generally a happy couple,madly in love after 6 years of marriage.Now I've just heard that she is 3 months pregnant again with the 3rd child. I just dont know whether to congratulate them or what. I feel it was really a stupid and irresponsible move. They cant take care of the 2 kids adequately yet they are having another kid. She just e emailed me now to tell me that she is 3 months pregnant and I dont know how to respond.If she was my sister I would probably give her a lecture but I suppose that wouldnt help (its too late). Do i become honest with her or pretend to be happy for her whereas I feel it was a stupid move ?
Answer 734 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

yes, to choose to have a third child when you know you can barely support the first too, is indeed an irresponsible action. Has this couple really never heard of cotnraception ? And maybe sterilization ? But lecturing them at this stage won't help, and congratulations would be inappropriate. Why not, as lee suggests, raise sensible points within a sympathetic response, not saying that you are happy ( you[re not ) but maybe hoping that she is happy at this news, and has worked out a way to cope with this extra responsibility. Like Echelle, I hope this message wasn't to remind you that further contributions will be expected. From your latters comments, you can congratulate them on the amount of l;ove you feel within and between them, even when things aren't easy for them,
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