Ask an expert

23 Oct 2009

Between the devil and the d blue sea
I moved in with a divorced man and his independent 24 year old daughter together with my dependant schoolgoing children aged 10 and 18. At first I thought we were all one big happy family with minor adjustment problems. We got engaged after a year ant that is when the problems really started. His daughter being his only child started showing jealousy by complaining about my food, inviting her mother over for her birthday parties at our home and copying my clothing style.I found all this very annoining and the fact that she would gossip at her dad about everything my kids would do wrong. She earns a salary but does not pay board or lodging cause she is paying off on a car and according to her dad does not earn enough to live on her own. If she overspends on herself she would simply just hint at her dad that she doesnt have any sigarettes and would then receive money to buy anything and everything. The tension caused me to break off the engagement and move out. My ex did not release me and admitted that he realized that she was part of the problem in a previous marraige. She just would cry if she didnt get her way with anything and then my ex would turn soft and give in. Apparently he did speak to her and told her that she will not ever come inbetween himself and woman again.
I have been on my own for 5months now and avoid visits when his daughter is home. At 1st he wanted us to move back in with them and promised that things would be different. My trust is broken and I feel happy on my own with my kids. I realise that suppose I sound like the jealous stepmother, but let me explain 1 incident.
My dad died the beginning of the year and was buried on a thursday. The Saterday his daughter arranged a birthday party at our home with her mother invited again. I explained to my fiance that I was not emotionally ready for partying but that we could have a drink with her and friends, and asked him if we could go have dinner someplace quiet. He agreed, but his daughter must have put up a scene behind my back again, cause the next moment he said he couldnt and that he felt guilty towards his daughter. I told him it was fine, he could attend, but I could not. Then he wanted to know: " what would the people say?"  It all just got to much for me. This man cannot emotionally support me when I need him most. His daughters needs are more important. It was a very emotional time in my life, and I cannot forget or forgive it easily.
I wont budge and want out, and he just wont give up trying. Please advice, but I do not feel the same about him anymore.
Answer 397 views

01 Jan 0001

OK, nasty daughter ( though I suppose copying your clothing style was a back-handed complement ). By 24 she ought to be earning enough to be indpendent and on her own, and if she isn't, she should be grateful for receiving free board and lodging, and be considerate of her hosts, which include you. She sounds thoroughly spoiled and selfish.
Things are unlikely to be any different while she continues to livwe with him - both of them have long-standing bad habits they would be reluctant to break. Stick to your guns. Until he completes a divorce from his daughter, he won't be fit for a real relationship with any other woman
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.