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29 Nov 2005

Blended families
My husband and I both have two teenage children from previous marriages. My daughter and his son lives with us permanently, and his daughter very often. As their mother lives close by, and they have a seemingly good bond, I decided early on in the relationship that I would not try to be their mother, but merely their father's wife, a friend and the manager of the household they live in. My husband and I also feel that we are a stabilising factor in their lives, because we have a very healthy and happy relationship. But I must admit (to my shame) that I battle with viewing his kids objectively. I notice the things they do "wrong" first, I suspect them first if something happens, etc. etc. I honestly don't want these emotions. Although I don't say anything, it eats me. These feelings are not in keeping with who I perceive myself to be. I know that I need to change my thinking about them, but I am finding it very hard. We both have busy, stressful jobs, and sometimes I just feel that I don't have the energy to deal with another woman's children as well!! What do you think CS, am I ever going to deal with this? Is there anybody out there in a similar position?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Most of us do ( and all of us should ) feel aware at times of our behaviours falling short of our ideals and self-image. But there's no point in allowing this to be a source of discomfort, when the errors are such tiny ones. I would expect that you will over time adjust better and better to this --- and you sound as though you have already done so far better than most stepmoms.
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