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04 Mar 2004

boarding school
I have been divorced for 6 years. My sons were 5 and 11. After years of verbal and emotional abuse, it was the best decision for us. I have full custody of my sons, who are now 11 and nearly 17. Now my x wants to send my younger son to boarding school. I have a partner of 5 years, and for the 4 of us at home, life is so loving. My sons have always been my sun and stars, and we have the most amazing loving, open, fun life together. My partner, who they refer to as step-dad, has complimented the relationship. I can find no reason to send my son away. I believe there is good education in gauteng, and even though living on maintanence and my salary is hard, we still live a good and very happy life. Now that I have said no to my x, I am now accused "being a bad mother, not bringing up my sons well, and will have to carry the burden of having ruined my young sons future". I am now worried that during holidays, he will take my son to boarding school, with not telling me. I want(as every single mother does) the best education for my son, but this whole boarding school issue has turned us upside down, with my son crying, my older son heart broken, and myself, all alone trying to do the very best for them.
Are there really no good schools in gauteng, have I ruined his life and his future,someone please pick me up, Im so tired of feeling alone and broken.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Alone,
If you have full custody, then it's none of his business where your sons go to school, and it would be illegal for him to enter the boy in a different school without your consent --- that would be kidnap. And if he tried any such foolish thing, I hope you'd use the law to the full to ensure the child was returned and that the Ex was punished for his selfish action. As Spooky suggests, maybe your Ex could do with a little adult boarding school himself ?
Of course you haven't ruined anyone's life, and your ex is just interfering maliciously. There is no school in any other province so brilliant that you could ruin any kids life by not sending them there. You all need to calm down, and talk about how mischievously Ex-Dad is interfering with a happy home. A boy who is happy at home, and content with his present school, would be far more likely to be damaged by being uprooted for no good reason and shoved into a boarding school. Boradign schools are sometimes unavoidable and a necessity, but they are NEVER ever better than living at home in a family and going to school in the usual way.
And I like Soul's point --- if your Ex is so convinced that there's something dreadfully wrong with you boy's present school, there is surely some very expensive private school within reach of your home, to which the boy could go --- would he be happy to cover the expenses of that, with taxi fares to and from school, if needed ?
Stand up for your rights, as a united family, and be proud of what you have all accomplished together.
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