Ask an expert

19 Feb 2004

My boyfriend and i have been together for a year now, we were so happy things we really going great till this week. Monday i hadn't heard anythign from him, me being concerened phoned but didn't seem interested to talk, so i left it.
Yesterday same thing asked what's wrong he says he's having a bad day and i must leave him alone. I was hurt cause the person i love so much is being distant and he won't communciate with me about what's going on in that head of his, believe me i tried the whole afternoon trying to figure what's wrong, trying to get him to talk to me, but he won't..
What must i do, i love him and he's hurting but so i am.
Answer 406 views

01 Jan 0001

Dear Paula,
Be unselfish and generous. There are many really excellent reasons why someone like your bf might be facing a serious personal problem, not involving you, and needs time and space to sort it out. If you can't give him that when he needs it and asks for it, the relationship will not flourish.
I think nowadays some people have wildly unrealistic expectations from relationships, maybe encouraged by the mega-greedy cellphone companies, and expect the other person to be constantly accessable to them, and constantly in touch. In a healthy relationship, yes, you need to be able to enjoy time together --- but you do also both need to be adult enough to be capable of being apart, and leading your own independent work-lives, pursuing sporting and other interests, without being constantly joined at the hip like a pair of Siamese twins.
And the more you try to force a guy to communicate with you when he's not ready to or able to, the faster you will drive him away.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
32% - 9425 votes
68% - 19886 votes