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Question
19 Feb 2004
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Boyfriend
My boyfriend and i have been together for a year now, we were so happy things we really going great till this week. Monday i hadn't heard anythign from him, me being concerened phoned but didn't seem interested to talk, so i left it.
Yesterday same thing asked what's wrong he says he's having a bad day and i must leave him alone. I was hurt cause the person i love so much is being distant and he won't communciate with me about what's going on in that head of his, believe me i tried the whole afternoon trying to figure what's wrong, trying to get him to talk to me, but he won't..
What must i do, i love him and he's hurting but so i am.
Yesterday same thing asked what's wrong he says he's having a bad day and i must leave him alone. I was hurt cause the person i love so much is being distant and he won't communciate with me about what's going on in that head of his, believe me i tried the whole afternoon trying to figure what's wrong, trying to get him to talk to me, but he won't..
What must i do, i love him and he's hurting but so i am.
CyberShrink
Dear Paula,
Be unselfish and generous. There are many really excellent reasons why someone like your bf might be facing a serious personal problem, not involving you, and needs time and space to sort it out. If you can't give him that when he needs it and asks for it, the relationship will not flourish.
I think nowadays some people have wildly unrealistic expectations from relationships, maybe encouraged by the mega-greedy cellphone companies, and expect the other person to be constantly accessable to them, and constantly in touch. In a healthy relationship, yes, you need to be able to enjoy time together --- but you do also both need to be adult enough to be capable of being apart, and leading your own independent work-lives, pursuing sporting and other interests, without being constantly joined at the hip like a pair of Siamese twins.
And the more you try to force a guy to communicate with you when he's not ready to or able to, the faster you will drive him away.
Be unselfish and generous. There are many really excellent reasons why someone like your bf might be facing a serious personal problem, not involving you, and needs time and space to sort it out. If you can't give him that when he needs it and asks for it, the relationship will not flourish.
I think nowadays some people have wildly unrealistic expectations from relationships, maybe encouraged by the mega-greedy cellphone companies, and expect the other person to be constantly accessable to them, and constantly in touch. In a healthy relationship, yes, you need to be able to enjoy time together --- but you do also both need to be adult enough to be capable of being apart, and leading your own independent work-lives, pursuing sporting and other interests, without being constantly joined at the hip like a pair of Siamese twins.
And the more you try to force a guy to communicate with you when he's not ready to or able to, the faster you will drive him away.
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