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01 Dec 2004

Boyfriend can't seem to get on his feet
I have a problem that is slowly driving me insane (or it feels that way)
I'm pretty level-headed, I'm in my mid twenties. I'm dating a great guy who's almost 28, we've been living together for a few months.
We love each other dearly (or so it would seem)

My problem is I am supporting him. He left his job over a year ago to pursue own business. It didn't really work out. he's realized it, but it's like he lacks the will or determination to find a job again. i've gone so far as to job hunt FOR him, sending his CV out etc.

I earn a good salary so it' was ok for me to cover all the expenses for a while (rent, water & elec, food, etc), he was only paying his own bills. the last few months iv'e had to help hinm even with his own bills, and it's putting a major strain on me (I have lots of stress at work as well)

I've tried talking to him about it, and he is apologetic and admits that it's getting out of hand. but,
I just don't see him actually trying to DO anything about teh situation.

I'm getting more p.d off at him, more hurt and resentful. surely if you love someone you would TRY to do something about your situation, and not be a burden to them all the time?

I really love him and wish to help him, but it seems like I can't. I'm just nearing the end of my tether. a feeling used up. I'm turning cold inside.
what to do? any advice..?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

its good that people try to develop their own businesses ; bad that they so rarely seem to have a backup plan, or to start with enough savings to survive a year before it becomes profitable. Failing in such a busines venture can be discouraging, but no excuse for giving up.
Sometimes, a problem is that though you talk ABOUT the problem, it's more about how you feel, and how he feels, rather than making better and practical plans to improve the situation.
Try talking with him about what specifically he can do about finding a new job ( and he must be prepared to start with ANY job, and work his way back up, rather than waiting till they ask him to head Telkom ). Set specific realistic goals, which he can work towards.
You need to seriously disturb his comfort zone, and move him towards specific positive action, or the exit door.
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