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11 Apr 2006

Boyfriend from "Unstable" family
Hi, I believe I brought my daughter up to make her own decisions and will never critisize or interfere but will only advise if asked for advice. My daughter of 20 has been seeing this young man for the past 13 months. He is 25 years old. My concerns are as follows:-
1. He questions every single thing she does and suspects that she lies to him about absolutely everything.
2. he wants to know 24 hours 7 days a week where she is and what she is doing, in detail.
3. he wants her to be with him constantly and does not approve of her spending time with us, her family.(We are/were very close)
4. he comes from a backround with about 6 divorces between his mother and father. At times they had no roof over their head and food to eat.
I am concerned because we all know that a girl of 20 will NOT listen to advice or her head for that matter. I can see that she WILL suffer abuse if she marries this man, even physical abuse.
How should I handle this? I do want her to be happy and loved and all the other nice things I have in my relationship, but this is just NOT it.
Answer 514 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

He sounds like a very immature, over-controlling and insecure young man, and not a great bet for a secure and happy long-term relationship. It is a problem with a young person like your daughter who is reluctant to take advice, and may insist on making mistakes, before learning from them. You may have more success if you try, not telling her what she should do, but talking with her about these observations you have made, perhaps relating them to some of your own life experiences, and asking her what she thinks, how she handles his extremes of jealousy and controlling behaviour, and how she thinks this will develop in the future --- in other words, the conversation would be supportive and sympathetic and exploratory, helping her to think about these problems, and trying to help her to reach the same conclusions you've already eached, rather than handing them to her on a plate she will reject.
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