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21 Jul 2008

Boyfriend intimidated
Morning CS and everyone,

My b/f had not been talking for 2 weeks. Last night i was so pained and decided to give him a ring (I' m always making peace after every fight even if i was not in the wroing - makes me wonder where this will end). Anyway we are 27 and expecting a child. During the discussion he told me that I intimidate him by asking about things like common property, that we should save money and all. He says that he doesnt feel like he is a man in the relationship. My question is taking into consideration the unborn baby, arent these valid questions to be asking? We have been dating for 3 yrs and when is one expected to show the signs of settling down? I dont want to marry as yet but I just think his days of talking about himself, his career, sports and cars are over with me - I could tolerate them before pregnancy but now things have changed and I needs to adjust.
We both stay at separate communes and I dont want to end with a baby visitng him there or at his parents'  house.
Please advice and thank you!
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Be aware that you may be setting a pattern, in which he expects you tom always make up to him, and not to expect him to take responsibility for himself and his own actions. Sounds like he has old-fashioned ideas about "the man" in a relationship --- why shouldn't you both be concerned about financial and other business matters ? And if he doesn't ask these very relevant questions, as you say, for the baby's sake YOu need to do so, and he shoudl be appreciative rather than critical. If he's still so into himself, maybe he's a bit immature to become a dad ? WOuld he consider joining you in relationship counselling ? Pushy is usually a weak man's description of a competent woman.
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