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Question

07 Jan 2005

Boyfriend struggle to accept children
Hi everybody

I am torn in half today! I really need your input and advice - PLEASE give me your thoughts on this one!

My 2 children are with their dad for the holiday. My little girl is 5 years old and my boy is 9. They are beautiful children - not only in appearance, but have such nice manners and are real easy children. Usually everybody likes them and I always get compliments from people about my children. Well, since my boyfriend moved in with me about a year ago, he struggles to get along with them. He is 26 years old. I am 29. He complains about everything they do. The children and I made a few adaptions to fit him. Still he gets so irritated by them and is so frustrated.

Yesterday evening he told me that if they got manupilated by their dad and irritates and frustrates him, it is over between us. He loves me and wants to be with me, but he can't get himself to accept the children.

I feel in this case then that he doesn't truly love me. If he loved me enough and wanted me badly to be with him, he would do ALL in his power to try to get to know and love the children. He says it is not necessarily so. That he DO love me, but the children is too much.

Do you guys think that this is something that we can overcome? Is there anything to be done to change the situation, or is this a lost case and should I just give up and let it be?

This is so hard for me. I love my kids more than my own life, but I also love this man so much!
Answer 649 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Well, to me a woman with minor children is a package deal, and one can't truly love the woman without accepting and ultimately loving the children too, or the relationship doesn't work out. The hurdle in thjis case might be overcome, if he recognized that HE has a problem here, and he wants to overcome it --- relationship / couples counselling could help here. Do you love the man you thought he was ? OR do you love a man who can't love your children ?
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