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24 Nov 2005

brotherly love ?
Something happened last week Thursday which has left me very confused. I am 25 years old. Let me say up front that I have been dating the same girl for the last 4 years and we plan to marry next year February and I have never cheated on her or even thought about it. I know that I love her.

I am an only child but I have a “brother” of sorts, D. My father and his best friend, D’s dad, grew up together and are partners in a law firm. I have known D and his family all my life. We are the same age and were born four days apart. We have done everything together, from preschool to university. We have lived in our digs together since first year at Varsity, and now work at our Dads firm. D is even dating my girlfriend’s sister and they plan to marry next year as well. So he is the person I know best and who has shared every significant moment of my life.

The thing that happened, is this… We both are well built with muscle, but I am much taller than him, so I am always careful when we horse around. Last Thursday, we had a huge fight and I punched him on the nose. I did not plan to and was as shocked by it as he. It bled, a lot and he passed out at the sight of the blood, (that always happens when he sees his blood). I immediately felt so guilty that I picked him up and sat on the couch and held him in my arms till he came too. I was so angry at myself that I started cry, ( that always happens to me).

When he came too, he saw that I was crying so he started talking really softly to me and we both ended up apologizing for what happened and for letting our fight get out of hand. Then I got this weird feeling and for some stupid reason I reached down and kissed his lips. At first it was just a quick kiss, but he smiled up at me and I wanted to do it again so I did and we ended up really making out on the couch till we fell asleep.

I can honestly say that I have never wanted to make out with a guy before that moment when I kissed D. Now all I can think about is being with him on that couch. We have both been totally weird and strange around each other, and D wants to talk it out. I just sort of hoped we could ignore it. I don’t think I am gay, because he is the only man I like in that way. But this can’t happen because it would destroy the relationship between three families which goes back to before any of us kids were born. And what if he does not feel the way I do, it would break up the longest and strongest relationship I have had with anyone.

Am I confusing a brotherly love for something more, am I just in a weird place and will this thing go away, and why am I so sad at the thought that it might. How do I sort out my head when there are things I might want which a man should never feel and which might end up hurting so many people I love…? I have always done what is expected of me and I have worked so hard for what I have especially the respect of my family, friends and work colleagues. I can’t do this to them now. Why is this happening to me and why now? What can I do?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

YOu do need to take the time to sit down with D ( maybe not on the same couch !) and talk sincerely through what happened between you, and discover how he feels about it. It is not necessarily homosexual to have tender feels of affection for another man, though most men choose to ignore this or to express it in rough-housing to try to make it seem more butch than it really is. V's remarks make good sense, too. And remember that sexuality isn't a toggle switch, either a or b --- most people are somewhere on a continuum between exclusively heterosexual and exclusively homosexual, so a fair proportion of men have some homosexual experiences within their lives, while remaining predominantly heterosexual.
This issue will not just go away if you ignore it and pretend that nothing happened. Your initial kiss may have been a mixture of affection, relief that he was all right, etc. But BOTH of you decided to continue with the "making out" session on the couch. So both of you need to be involved in talking it out. But the event probably has nothing whatever to do with your regular and lasting personal sexuality, your wedding, or anything else. As Whooz says, IT HAPPENS, and need cause no lasting problems unless you absolutely insist that it must.
And may I add that i am impressed by the quality of the three responses this query received from other readers ?
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