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21 Jul 2005

CAN'T GET OVER HIS EX
I had an affair three years ago. He left his wife after 20 years of marriage and I left my husband after 7 years of marriage. We have been together ever since. It took three years for him to get divorced (In which time we have been living together). I cannot understand why this took so long. This is a very tender subject that I can't talk to him about. He either avoids the question or we end up in a fight. He has also given her everything and will continue to pay for the rest of his life- he walked out with the clothes on his back. Whilst I know this is all guilt induced, I don't understand how he never thought how I would feel waiting for him to be divorced for three years and also not thinking about our future with half a salary. I get so angry about this. Am I being childish or selfish?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

If you ghave both become free to get married, and are now able to get married --- why is it that you are so bothered about why it took him longer to get divorced ? Some divorces are messier and take longer than others. and maybe reminding it about it, unhelpfully, reminds him of the bitterness that was involved ? So maybe, for whatever legal reasons, she was able to take much of what he had --- is that his fault ? It doesnt need to be a trust issue. It sounds as if he has sacrificed a great deal in order to be with you --- isn't that worth appreciating ? And enjoy the relationship between the two of you, without insisting on his Ex intruding by dragging her back into your thoughts and his.
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