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02 Dec 2004

Can't think of a solution.
Either stay at home and be miserable because there's nothing to do and can't take being bounded in these chains anymore. I can't go out because I'm a mute for christ sake and people treat I'm terribly. I t's so weird I find myself unable to have fun and I try extremely hard around people. But I have to put on an act that I'm happy or enjoying myself, I have to act that I'm actualy interested in anything.
My way of coping nowadays is listening to music really loud, it kind of drowns out the thoughts in a way. I play the drums on m stomach and chest at the same time, I've gotta not think of the fact that there seems to be nothing I can do. I wish there was an answer, but after the last doctor I'm completely smacked in the face again with the fact that there is no hope. I used to lie to mself all the time to help me cope. Used to lie that things are fine and that things are going to be fine. I will haveto get a job son and have already had people treat me like dirt because I am lousy to be around even though they don't understand that I really couldn't give a rat's arse about anything. I'mlosing interest in more and more and more things. I've tried to figure what I can do, why I feel the way I do and understandin the abusive messages from my father. All I got from seeing all these different soctors was confusion of what is wrong with me and what I should do.
ome on Doctor haven't you heard of Nine Inch Nails before, if there's any chance, pick up "The Downward Spiral" album for my release. MY medication. You'll never cry so good. Wll I will anywas, eh?
You can analyse him and say he suffers from this and this and because of this and he should smoke this.
Answer 421 views

01 Jan 0001

Yes, I've heard of Nine Inch Nails, and a few other groups. I hear how miserable you feel, but not enough clarity about why, tobe able to be really helpful --- yet. How old are you ? What do you mean about being a mute ( there are different ways to understand that comment of yours). You say you're "lousy to be around" --- why ? Couldn't you manage to be less lousy to be around, and maybe find people becoming accordingly less disagreeable with you ? If your father had been abusive towards you, you don't have to accept abusive put-down messages, but would probably benefit most from a skilled local shrink. I do not believe that there is no hope. I don't know why the "last doctor" isn't your present doctor, or why further work on your progress seems to have stopped.
Perhaps you can post a fresh messagae putting us more clearly in the picture ?
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