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Question

08 Jul 2010

Careless man
Hi Doc

I''m in a relationship with this man, he is a nice person but the problem is thas he doesn''t like taking care of himself, like dress code, unpolished shoes and he doesn''t like to cut his hair, I thought i''ll be able to transform him but i''m failing, I used to buy him staff when i have money but he hardly wears them and he gets irritated when i ask him " why he didn''t cut his hair or why is he wearing old worn out pants. He says I must love him the way he is and not judge him. I feel ashamed at times when i''m with him, I can''t even introduce him to my close friends. I''m at the stage whereby i can''t really take it anymore I hoped that he will change but he''s not, he''s actually getting worse. Am I being unfair to dump him for those reasons
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Amazing how many relationships start with a woman acepting an imperfect man, but assuming she will be able to transform him satisfactorily. Some people are unduly self-protective and insist on not being "judged" though it may be important for them to realize that while i ndeed they do have the right to be as slovenly as they wish, you are doing them a favour in pleasantly indicating what many other people will think of them - otherwise they mayh be puzzled by lacking friends, or not getting jobs or promotions. In your own home, you can dress and look as you please - but if you have to work and relate with others, you can't aford to entirely disregard what they may think about how you choose to look.
If he really wants to dress and appear in a way you find unpleasant and embarrasing, and is uninterested in how you feel about this, there may not be much point in continuing the relationship.
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