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11 Apr 2006

changing, cleansing everything
The last 6 months have been the worst of my entire life. The main cause of this pain has been more to do with others and the heartache they have caused me, however, I am the one that has made some stupid decisions in my dealing with everything which has basically compounded all the pain. I realize that i need to change my entire lifestyle and clean myself up in order to move on and live a good life which is what I desire. The guilt alone from my stupidity in drinking too much and taking recreational drugs is eating me up inside. I want to change all of this, I want to stop drugs completely and cut the drinking down dramatically. I really do want this but it seems that every weekend the devil grabs me and I forget everything and go off an an orgy of debauchery. What can I do to stick to my true desires and the true me? I am acting out of character and losing myself here. I have met some dodgey characters along the way and I don't like it. I want to find the good me again and stop being an idiot. I disappoint myself and want to cry when I think of how much this would disappoint my family were they ever to find out.
Answer 371 views

01 Jan 0001

OK, so you made a number of bad decisions, and have now made the far wiser decsion to clean up your act. Congratulations. Feeling guilty now, and brow-beating yourself for not having been brilliant earlier, serves no useful purpose at all. See a good local CBT oriented counsellor asap, and put a stop to this. There's no devil which takes hold of you at weekends. Don't go to any of the places where you drunk or drug ; don't hang round with the friends with whom you have been drinking and drugging. Stay at home till you have this mastered. Consider joining AA and NarcAnon, and get the help and support of others who have managed similar situations. The shrink will help yopu to make the Good you stronger and in charge
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