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20 Oct 2009

Cheating Fiance&#39 
My fiance and I have lived togehter for about five years. I have in that time discovered on at least three occassions that he has been seeing an ex girlfriend who seems to have some sort of hold on him. He is now 60 and she is the same age.Surely he should be over all this mid life crisis nonsense. I have forgiven him each time but on the last occassion told him that I would leave him if he so much as phoned her again. Now I find that I am totally obsessed with trying to catch him out. I pry into everything I can get my hands on including his cell phone and his credit card statements. I know that she phones him but have not seen evidence of phone calls from him to her. I have even been reduced to counting his viagra tablets to see if they go missing when I know he has not been with me. I go to her house to see if I can see his car there. I am getting totally desparate because I know this is a very unhealthy place to be but do not know how to stop myself. I even find myself wishing that I would find him with her so that I can finally end things for good just to find some peace of mind on my own . Please help me sort myself out.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

She has no hold on him other than what he choses to allow her to hold. 60 is a tad past "mid-life". Has your concern been about him literally seeing her, say, meeting for a cup of coffee, or do you realistically fear that he is having a sexual and/or emotional affair with her ?
But it sounds, and you seem to recognize this, that on your side this has grown out of all proportion. This now sounds more like an obsession, taking up an increasing amount of your time and energy, and to the point that no amount of "finding nothing" will satisfy you.
For your own sake, you should see a good local psychologist and frankly discuss these problems with him / her, for a proper assessment and the chance to work through these worries that are now disproportionately onsessing you
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