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20 Nov 2005

Coming down
Started the weekend feeling strong. I felt happy and confident that although I still miss her I was making good progress and soon everything would be ok. I had an excellent Friday night out with her cousin who is a long time friend of mine. We had a blast and met many interesting people.

However, last night as I sat alone something he said started playing in my mind and now all the pain is back. He mentioned that it was a shock to the entire family that myself and his cousin had broken up. He said that even her mom had told his mom that she was certain that I was the man that would marry her daughter. All this brought back the confusion. I know this is what she felt too and the fact that she was then able to just let go of all of that in a flash after one fight destroys me inside.

It hurts so much at times I feel like I am going mad. What hurts even more is that she has rearranged everything in her head and convinced herself that it's all good and that she did the right thing and caused no pain. She has moved on seemingly as if nothing happened.

When I met her after the break up 2 weeks ago she had me almost convinced that we could sort things out and perhaps be friends but she isn't even capable of that. She has moved on completely. Unbelievable!! What a shock.

I'm so tired of this pain and of all this thinking. I'm getting frustrated ith myself and my inablilty to put this behind me. I haven't contacted her since deciding not to. At least that. I just want this to end now.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Stop playing old recordings, and insist on remaining in the present. You are like someone who tramped on a drawing-pin, who, instead of pulling it out, cleaning the fot and continuing to walk, is standing there, re-impaling yourself on the pin again and again. It is YOU who is refusing to let go of the past, and insisting on dragging it into the present and to drag it with you into the future. Let Go. You are NOT "unable" to let go, you are refusing to do so, and probably at some level still hanging onto a highly unrealistic hope that somehow magically it will all work out. It won't. And you are so busy wrapping yourself up in the past, that you are avoiding the present and future. And you sound seriously under-occupied. get into vigorous Gymn workouts, hobbies, extra work --- keep busy, and give up on this.
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