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01 Aug 2007

Coming to a point
Hi CS,
Things are becoming tough and I am exhausted. I feel like a failure in more ways than one, but mostly as a mother.
I went to see my daughters councellor at school on Monday and he has proposed that the kids be removed from the situation, that is the one the bf is creating and I am allowing. I agree but feel extremely torn. I love my children. Btw he said's I have done a fantastic job with my daughter. I am scared to do this, it will involve the social workers and all be done legally, I don't want to loose my kids, not for a man. He said's I will have to choose, that I haven't really left the bf, that perhaps I still have feelings, my phsychologist agrees. Yes, I still care and maybe do love the bf, but I know in my head that it will never work, my heart just bleeds for him because he has no-one and has nothing. I don't want to end up like that, I love my children too much.
I have changed my cell phone number, step 1. I am back on medication - cilift - step 2. I have gotten my little boy back into a creche - step 3, he was staying with a friend during the day, and they say it ain't good for him either. I have also asked this friend to move out - step 4. My sister has agreed to take my daughter, my friend my son, although she first wants to speak to the councellor, which he in anycase advised would happen - step 5. I have told bf of all the happenings and asked him to back off, I don't want to loose my kids, and that they will be my choice, he is still hanging onto some hope, but at least he cannot phone me anymore and harass me in that way.
The court case for the car is coming up on the 23rd of August, however I am on a course that day and won't be able to make it, I don't know what to do.
Back to the kids, do you think it is a good idea? I am still trying to sell my property, going very slow. I just don't want them to be traumatised anymore than they already have. The councellor said he would work with them and explain everything to them, especially my daughter. As for my son, he will probably need something too when he is bigger, I want to do what is right for them, not me.
Any ideas.
Thanks for listening.
BT
Answer 413 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hi BT,
Surely, in discussion with the social workers you can devise some way to stop the bf from creating such a damaging situation ( for you as well as the kids) ? And is it possible, if some degree of separation is considered wise, to do this informally rather than legally, so that variation could be easier if and when the situation improves ?
Maybe if you move on from the bf, and yopu two are no longer clinging to each other, he will be better able to find someone else to make him happy, and or support ?
Watch out about the court case, as it is so important in all such cases to be present --- the court is hardly likely to support your iew of things without hearing from you --- is there no way the course can be postponed ?
Sounds like the involvement of the cousnellor with the kids through whatver changes lie ahead, will be a good idea. With adequate support, kids can be surprisingly resilient
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